Ballads of Suburbia
Stephanie Kuehnert



rating: 7 out of 10 "books"

"It's like a big anomaly, but everybody in suburbia has a fucked up secret, an event or series of events that made you who you are. That's what you're confessing to here." Hence, ballad. "A true ballad tells a story about real life." "A lot of ballads are about the mistakes we inevitably make while trying to figure out how to live our lives." -- Ballads of Suburbia


Ballads of Suburbia is one of those stories that starts with the epilogue and then spends most of the book in a flashback. After being left for dead while OD'ing in the park near her house the summer after her junior year of High School, our narrator, Kara, is just now returning to Chicago after a four year abscence. Kara, however, was not always a royal screwup just a typical angst-ridden teen searching like any of us, for her place in the world. The back story of Ballads of Suburbia begins with not only the start of Kara's High School days and the loss of her best friend Stacey, (who has moved to another part of town), but the constant downpour of family issues that threaten to destroy the last familiar part of her life. It isn't until Kara meets the goths and punk rockers that hang around Scoville Park that she begins to feel as if she finally has a close group of friends. And while, for the first time in years, Kara and her younger brother, Liam, are hanging out and making the same friends, partying every weekend with the Scoville crowd, and experimenting with the abundance of drugs, everything around them quickly begins to spiral out of control.

The title of this story, Ballads of Suburbia, is part of the basis behind the layout of the story. As Kara descirbes, the dictionary definition of a ballad is "a song that tells a story in short stanzas and simple words, with repetition, refrain, etc," or as Kara puts it, "the punk rocker or the country crooner telling the story of his life in three minutes, reminding us of the numerous ways to screw up." Large chunks of the story are even divided into the parts of a ballad starting with the Verse, followed by chorus, and so on, including the must-have element of a ballad: the guitar solo. But even more central to the title of this story is the notebook that Kara finds out about one day that contains each of the authors included's messed up childhood stories ("firsthand accounts of the things that changed you and the mistakes you made.") and immediately labels "ballads." It's these ballads that really centralize the plot of the story and unites the various characters in the book. One cannot read the notebook until they have written their own ballad, a confession of one's own mess ups and secrets.

On the one hand, I feel as if I've lived a completely sheltered life, having lived in Suburbia myself throughout my childhood and never having anything like this happen to me. Sure, I'd hear of people at my High School having parties, doing drugs, and getting pregnant, but most of the time my friends and I saw this all as very scandalous and stayed away from it. But on the other hand, I can see how easy it is to fall into those sorts of traps, especially in High School where fitting in is probably one of the biggest deals ever. I can honestly see how Suburbia would be the perfect place for all these bad, lurking elements to collide and I have no doubts that some of the newspaper articles that the kids in this story collected about bad things happening in the Suburbs could be, or are, true. I suppose I could say that I have had some suburban drama happen in my life, and I do wonder if some of the problems I've faced in my post-High School life have been as a result of growing up in "sheltered" Suburbia.

I really liked the idea of the notebook and the fact that the characters felt safe airing their dirty laundry to their fellow peers. What was essentially personal journal entries for these kids became group knowledge. It reminds me of that new MTV show "If You Really Knew Me." I think it's really made these teens feel a whole lot closer during a time when parents, as hard as they might try, really don't understand what their teenagers are going through. I think a lot of parents argue that they know perfectly well what's going on in their child's life because "we were once teenagers too," but "the times, they are a changing." I don't know when the next generation of teens are going to have it easier than the previous, but for now it seems like it always gets tougher and tougher to be that magical age.

I liked this story. It might not be a literary masterpiece, but I think it speaks out to people, not just teenagers, of the trials and tribulations, up and downs that people go through, possibly have to go through, before they can become the people they are meant to be.

My Horizontal Life
Chelsea Handler



rating: 7 out of 10 "books"


For anyone who's ever watched the E! channel relatively late on a week night, I'm sure you've come across "Chelsea Lately," a late night talk show hosted by the hilariously witty, Chelsea Handler. On the show she openly talks about subjects that many would consider taboo or controversial, dishes out and speaks her mind about celebrity gossip, and most of all makes fun of the Hollywood elite. With her roundtable of guest comedians and her personal assistant, whom she calls her "little nugget," Chelsea Lately is hardly boring. I have become an avid viewer over the years, and try to catch it when I am able to stay up that late, but I had never really known anything about her personal life or other work-related projects outside from the show. I had never seen her do standup either, whether in person or on a TV special, so I was curious to read "My Horizontal Life" to try to find some kind of explanation as to the experiences that shaped the character that she is.

Of course, this book is a true story about a bunch of different one night stands, and given the subject matter may not be the best book for anyone under the age of 21 to read. However, apart from all the intimate details, this book is filled with laugh out loud moments from the situations (both embarassing and bizzare), down to Handler's writing style itself. While I had a hard time reading about her childhood memories and believing that she could act in such a manner as a 7-10 year old (the style of writing makes it feel like as a youngster, she spoke and thought much like she does now), eventually I was able to get used to it. I mean of course, having written this book as an adult, things are going to come across in her current voice... I think I just had a hard time believing she could be so clever and funny all her life. I sought some sort of explanation as to what kind of made her into the person she is, and yes the situations more than explain it, but somehow I still didin't find my answer. But again, that was not the intention of this book at all.

All in all, "My Horizontal Life" was a super fun read. I was able to get it read in no time at all. If you are a fan of Chelsea Handler, or just need an entertaining book to read on vacation or wherever, then I'd definitely recommend this book! Now I just need to get my hands on her other book "Are You There Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea!"

Youth in Revolt: The Journals of Nick Twisp: A Novel
By C.D. Payne


rating: 3.5 out of 10 "books"



While recently perusing the shelves of my local bookstore, I was intrigued by this soon to be new addition of the “book-turned-movie” genre of literature. I had seen the preview for the Michael Cera movie, and having seen the pattern of one character type movies he usually stars in, was interested in seeing if this was just another outlet for him to perfect his stumbling loserish teenage boy type roles. Final decision: Undecided. While this novel by C.D. Payne seems right up Cera’s alley, the book does possess some interesting if not disturbing situations. But alas, this is neither a movie review nor a critique of Michael Cera, so let’s get on with the book review.

The main character of this story is Nick Twisp, an oversexed thirteen year old, who despite his best efforts, has yet to lay any claim to the “sex” in oversexed. He professes himself an only child, even though he has a sister (who left the family household as soon as she could to become an air stewardess, an action reminiscent of the lovely Zooey Deschanel in the film “Almost Famous.” But again, this is hardly a film review.) Nick’s life is characteristic of any angst ridden teen’s life; harsh parental figures, uncontrollable hormones (which present a persistent problem for Nick), and the pressures of High School. But what makes Nick’s story bizarre is the dysfunctionality of it all. He lives with his mother and her numerous line of sleazy boyfriends; from beer guzzling truck driver Jerry and gentle giant Wally; to cruel, abusive cop Lance. Nick’s own lazy father is more interested in landing his next young bimbo than finding a job to pay child support and spends his court appointed time with his son, handing out chore after chore for Nick to do around his house.

Youth in Revolt chronicles a year in Nick’s life although it hardly feels like it with all the trouble Nick finds himself in. When Nick meets the beautiful intelligent Sheeni at a religious motor home park Jerry takes the Twisps to for a vacation, he pledges to do all he can to win her over and most importantly, to win her into his bed. Before Nick leaves Sheeni for his hometown of Oakland, California, Nick and Sheeni make a pact to sleep together once Nick accomplishes Sheeni’s list of demands for Nick’s “de-flowering” date. Things turn sour however, when Nick’s home life goes south following incidents involving a plot to make his best friend Lefty’s sister sorry for sibling war waged, a Lincoln car/camping trailer disaster, and numerous situations involving sex. Following Sheeni’s suggestion to “revolt” his constant groundings and home “lockdowns,” Nick happily finds himself thrown out of his home to be sent to live with his deadbeat father who just so happens to have found a job as writer for the trade magazine Progressive Plywood, located in Sheeni’s hometown of Ukiah. But as Nick’s life can never stay on track for long, his plans for bedding Sheeni are once again delayed when she spills the news that she has been accepted at a very prestigious French-speaking academy in Santa Cruz.

What follows are Nick’s twisted attempts to bring Sheeni home and bring down anyone who tries to stop him. Even when Nick believes he is helping someone out, his plans always seem to end in the worst way. For someone who claims intelligence, one would have thought he’d be able to think things through a bit more. From cross-dressing, religion-hating dogs and illegal birth control smuggling, to attempted suicides, homelessness and homosexuality, this book is definitely not lacking in the bizarre. Oftentimes, one is left to ponder whether Sheeni is playing Nick the entire time and how the book can possibly end, but all is revealed in the last 40ish pages of the novel.

I still am not sure how I feel about this book. At times I felt like putting it down and never picking it up again, but in the end I was glad I stuck with it. If you can get over all the sexual crudity and hormonal actions that accounts for a majority of Youth in Revolt, I believe this book is worth reading. In reality, Paynes "Twisp" is probably more realistic than many of the YA stories chronicling teenage boys and the confusion most of them feel about topics like girls and sex. At least give it a chance for the rather unbelievable chain of events that occur in this story.